cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
