New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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