It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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