Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
