would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
