those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Randomize
