Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
