____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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