this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
