I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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