i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
