Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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