i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
