If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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