So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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