Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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