Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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