You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
