Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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