i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
