I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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