I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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