I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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