I met the friendliest cop last night
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
