if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
