I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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