My underwear smells like fireworks.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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