omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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