do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
