Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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