i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
