The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
