Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
