I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
