I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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