are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
