party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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