All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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