dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
