Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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