Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
