I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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