So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Then you guys just all showered together...?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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