Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
