the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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