I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
