Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
