So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
