There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
