is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
