1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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