I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
