Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
