How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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