I got chris browned last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
