I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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