I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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