come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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