she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
