Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
