I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
