Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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