where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
